Talkin' 'bout my generation

I saw a report on CNN this morning that some huge percentage of people in "Generation Y," which apparently is comprised of 18-29 year olds, no longer believe in the "American Dream" as something that they will achieve. Now, I believe this phrase has many different meanings depending on the person, but according to the criteria posed by the organization who did the survey, this means working hard, earning money, having financial security as a retired individual in the form of Social Security, living out your golden years traveling around the country in an RV or lounging on a porch with grandkids. Basically, if you work hard, everything will follow the exquisitely perfect path that your grandparents have taken and you will drift toward non-existence blissfully and without stress.

What is my response to this, as a member right smack in the middle of the Generation Y age group? NO SHIT, CNN. Of course we don't believe in the American Dream. We have grown up in a world that is tragically different from that of generations before. My whole life I have been told that I will never be able to retire because Social Security will run out by the time my parents are done with it. As I look for jobs I fear that even though I am working hard, my position will be outsourced to India or China because the labor is so much cheaper. I worry that even if I make a lot of money, half of my salary will go to paying off student loans or credit card debt. Although people have been immigrating to the United States for hundreds of years, the numbers have soared in recent history, meaning I have to compete for the fulfillment of this illusive "American Dream" with people who are so hungry for it that they have risked life and limb to get to this country in search of it...which means they are far more motivated than I am.

Generation Y has been taught that life is tough, and it's certainly not fair. We are not a generation who was raised in a world of social upheaval like our parents; we came into this world at the end of the Cold War, something that came in like a lion and went out like a lamb with David Hasselhoff standing on the crumbling Berlin Wall. We have been raised in a time of fear, where we watched people dying instantly on 9-11 or bodies being transported home from Iraq. We have grown up in a culture more and more obsessed with those who make millions for doing very little, making us wonder why the hell we are working our asses off and making barely enough to get by with absolutely no recognition for it.

We are a jaded generation, and the idea of the American Dream seems archaic and almost quaint in this day and age; something our grandparents and parents may have achieved in those halcyon days of the 50's and the tumultuous 60's. I have only ever hoped that I could make enough to live comfortably, and the idea of retirement has never even crossed my mind.

So you might want to think about the stupidity of this poll, CNN. We are not lazy, and we definitely aren't stupid; we just know better than to believe in those kinds of things actually happening to people.

You want to know who I really am? So do I.

Things have had a chance to sink in more since I made my decision to leave school next year, and I am still completely at ease with the situation, which is good. I haven't had any moments of breaking into a cold sweat, terrified and wondering if I should change my mind back and stay in the program. So I guess that tells me something.

Summer has gotten a lot brighter though since I made that choice, which is awesome. I also think things have gotten a lot brighter in my life because my living situation is so much better than it was before. Also, my friends are better in my new place. I mean, when I lived on Elmdale Drive, which was originally touted as being "Chapel Thrillhouse" back when Kellie, Natalie and I were still naively optimistic about friendships, I was always in my room, always by myself, never really doing anything. We pretty much stopped hanging out as a threesome at night, and never even watched TV together in the common area. Everyone went into their rooms by around 8 and stayed there unless they wanted to watch something that had been DVR'ed or they needed something from the kitchen. I was miserable and isolated in my shoebox of a room. Now that I am in my new place, I have been so much happier. We hang out in the living room all the time, I am always doing stuff on the weekends (to the point where I almost miss my laziness), and I don't feel stuck in a dank bedroom, since mine is filled with light and space now. It's a complete shift in my outlook and attitude, something I didn't even realize had sunk to a depressing low. I'm glad to have such positive, awesome roommates now.

Also, I am realizing that a lot of my friends from UNC are elitist assholes. But that's another story. Haha.

Learning to fly

Big changes have come about in my life within the past few days, and I'm still kind of trying to process everything. My decision to say "F you, PhD program" was kind of shocking to some people, but to me it has seemed like one of the most logical, clear-headed decisions I have ever made. It's also one of the scariest ones. I guess it was just hard to admit how desperately unhappy I have been for the past two years; I had always said that getting my doctorate was exactly what I wanted and so I felt like complaining and being unhappy was just a personality flaw and not a sign of a bigger, uglier problem. As much as I love Chapel Hill for its small-town feel and gorgeous seasons, I don't fit in here. I'm an unlikely combo of the Southwest and the Northeast, and the true South with its mint juleps, high-maintenance women and "future MBAs of America" pool of men is just not my scene, and I couldn't fit my square self into that round peg hole no matter how hard I tried. Plus, sitting behind a microscope quantifying cell diameters is not the way I want to spend my life, which is the most important part of this equation.

I think a Masters degree is what I need. And maybe I'll go back later and get another degree in something different, and that's exciting to think about. I'm not as trapped as I thought I was. I haven't felt so liberated in a long time. I know that as much as I don't fit in in CH I was supposed to come here for a reason; I have learned more about myself here in the past two years than I had in the 22 years prior, and I think if I hadn't discovered who I really am, I never would have figured out that this program isn't for me. So I am happy with the way things turned out. I am also happy that I have decided to roost in Denver for a few years, being around my family for awhile is essential.

I am also excited that I get to start over and decide what I really want to do. It's like being eight-years old all over again, trying to decide on what I want to be when I grow up.

Anyway, aside from all of that heavy stuff, things have been pretty busy for me. Trying to tame my hair in this 800% humidity is a job of its own as well. I am certainly not going to miss this dampness. Everyday my skin feels like it is coated in a film of moisture that never goes away. Oh, and I love the little short hairs that stick up out of my yellow puffball of hair every single day. That's pretty awesome too.

Kickball party tonight...keep your fingers crossed for me. In fact, keep every digit crossed for me. It's time to turn on the "seduction" mode, which is a little rusty since that setting hasn't been used in a long time. If I can't control my hair though, it definitely won't be used tonight!

OMG MY FIRST BLOG!!!!!!!!!

This is my first foray into the world of blogging, post-Livejournal. I felt like I was getting a little too old for that site anyway; somehow, the same outlet I used at age 20 to express myself seems a little juvenile for a 24-year old. I mean, I no longer discuss cramming into booths at Village Inn with my friends, too young to go to the bar; nor do I endlessly speculate on which classes to take next semester. So I think moving on and saving those blogs for my archives is more appropriate.

Summer is in full swing here in CH...or should I say Durham? I feel like a split personality ever since I moved to the suburban/urban mixture that is Durham. I think my heart and my education are still in Chapel Hill, as much as I love my new place. But I am learning to appreciate Durham night life and the convenience of having so many stores nearby. Anyway, after everything I have been slogging through since the start of May (qualifying exams, research talks) it feels like I haven't even celebrated the relaxed vibe of summer, and now it is already July. Even though I have been jamming out to Fresh Prince's "Summertime" in my car since May, the whole effort to enjoy the summer has been half-hearted. So now I am going to throw myself into it and spend a lot of time on the hammock sipping margaritas and trying to go to the beach.

I'm going to start after July 4th though. I'll probably still work that day. :)

Well, time to get back to making love to science. Our relationship has been a bit strained lately, so I'm trying to ease us back into the swing of things. It would be nice to get something out of the summer besides a lot of "blue balls" (in the female sense) over failed experiments.