Sudden Death in Carolina

It's quite sad how in my life, a Facebook message from a former crush (well, I think "crush" is a bad word to describe this person, but it's the only thing I can really think of) can leave me smiling for an entire day. In this case, I think it was more about the fact that I was proven, once again, that he is probably the only male in my life who hasn't turned out to be a flaky asshole. This, of course, does nothing to alleviate the dormant feelings that come screaming back every time I hear from him, because he is always still the same guy who made me happier than any guy ever has in my whole life to this point. Still down-to-earth, still funny, still sweet and complimentary without even trying. :( As much as I love hearing from him because I miss him as my friend, it kills me every time to know that I never got to have him as my boyfriend...in that admittedly lame, hand-holding, old-fashioned kind of way. I think I will probably always feel that way about him, my classic "What If?" person. Also, because I used to tell Natalie for years that I was going to meet the man of my dreams over a Bunson Burner, and I met him in an Organic Chem lab, so it makes me wonder even more if he could have been that great man in my life. But all of these statements are just maudlin musings put out there by a single, somewhat lonely 24-year old girl who hasn't really had anyone make her happy since he came along. For all I know, I could see him again and it would be horribly awkward and I would wonder why I ever felt so strongly about him.

I wonder if everyone has that person that they just don't ever really move on from. Even if you don't think about them all of the time, and they don't necessarily prevent you from dating other people, you know that if they were to walk into your house and tell you they wanted to be with you, you would drop everything and tell them "ABSOLUTELY." I just need to find another guy who will call me "exceptionally brilliant" and be able to pick up on every single movie/TV reference I drop in casual conversation, and then maybe I'll get over it. Anyone know a guy like that?

This is why I need a fresh start somewhere else. Letting go of a lot of things I have held onto for the past few years is going to be really important.

Well, time to get back to my awesome Saturday night of sitting around in my pajamas, nursing my extremely sore quads (which have a mysterious origin) and trying to motivate myself to watch "Hotel Rwanda" so I can move along my Netflix queue.